Emotionally I am stirred up,the experience of doing yoga for the first time today has made me all mixed up emotionally,my body connected with my emotions and learning to breathe into the body movements facilitated this.

I am emotional and tired right now,I feel sad and I want to cry.

Something that affected me emotionally today is a memory that came back.

This may sound stupid but when I first bought my home 22 years ago,my cousin who is a carpet fitter came to show me carpet samples so I could choose a carpet.

He showed me a lovely purple shade and said this is the one for you,but in order to be individualistic and to rebel I said no I don't want that colour and I chose a plain natural shade of very light brown,the instant I did that I knew I'd done wrong choice wise,but to save face I couldn't change my mind back again.

When I got to the centre where the yoga was the doors were pine and the carpet was this wonderful shade of purple,same as my cousin chose for me back then,it was so beautiful with the sunlight shining in the room through the windows and the colour of the carpet.

It hurt so much that I hadn't listened to my cousin's advice and I regret it so much the colour that I chose.

I felt,and this is the stupid bit,I felt that if I had chosen the purple carpet that I wouldn't have gone through the bad times and the abuse that I have gone through.

The purple coloured carpet in the yoga room made me feel like I had arrived home.

I vowed when I saw it to replace my old brown carpet at home with purple as soon as I can afford it.

I am still feeling the old emotions and the regret and the rejection that I am sure my cousin felt when I wouldn't accept the colour carpet that he chose for me.

I really liked that colour it was like home to me and not having it felt like I had rejected myself,my true identity in favour of a neutral mask.I feel pain in my heart thinking about it.

I so wish I could go back 22 years and make the decision again,this time choosing the purple which is my colour and my true spirituality.I wonder would my life had been different if that had been the colour carpet that I chose,or is that a stupid thought?