Wow, this site has every one of my Cptsd symptoms over the years down pat.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) — Out of the FOG

I can't believe that this could happen with self-loathing: Self-Loathing - An extreme hatred of one's own self, actions or one's ethnic or demographic background.

Now I know some of the reason I've struggled with my ethnicity and loving myself and appreciating other African Americans. Wow.