I had a similar loss of childhood. I think that's what you are realizing right now. Childhood is supposed to be a time to explore yourself...yourself. But you were busy taking care of others. So you kind of skipped that stage of life. I didn't really understand who I was until I was in my mid-twenties, because my childhood was spent in fear, anxiety and dysfunction living with very messed up parents and siblings. There are ways to have little things for yourself, part of it is exploring things you might enjoy. Most recently I bought pencil crayons and a drawing pad and pencil sharpener. I began drawing cats and flowers, from my own head, not from a model. I'm not an artist, I just do it because it takes my mind off my troubles. It cost $20 to get the supplies. I'm not suggesting you do what I just described, but there may be an affordable way to explore something that "might" interest you and be something that's just for you. I'd suggest though, that you do it when the kids aren't awake, as they will probably take that "special" time away from you. It's really about exploring and you could do it by watching how-to videos on youtube and see if anything peaks your interest. The bottom line is: there's a reason you may be unsure of who you are. And you didn't cause it.