The first question that
Most parents would
Have asked the doctor
Is will they get
Better and how long
Do They estimate
The process could take?
The doctors told
Them I wasn't a drug user,
And that made me
A "genuine case."
That the medical
Practitioners were optimistic
About me and
The doctor did ask
Me about my
Early memories, to
Try the talking approach.
But it wasn't
The right time for me.
I told them I
Just needed space
To think. No space at home.
This was dead on correct.
So weeks in they could
See I was improving,
And after the 28 days
Detention my mum
Agreed with the doctors
Suggestion to discharge,
At the meeting.
Why would my parents
Be taken in
By all the horror stories.
From people who had
No medical back ground?
It's obvious that
These stories were aimed
At those who
Were long term
Drug users. People
Who never completely
Kick the habit.
Who don't want to work.
Whose children goìnto care. And they
Float on the edge
Of society for life.
The doctors told
My parents that
Was NOT me.

Theres a whole plethora of
People with countless
Of different afflictions
Each with a different
Severity of mental distress.
There is no two
People the same.
Some people just
A once off because
They haven't coped,
With a bereavement.
Post natal depression.
Empty nest depression.
Depression from trauma.
People from all
Walks of life.
Many who went
Back to their careers.
Back to being husbands
And wives and students
And workers and carers,
Mothers, father's and friends.

Why on earth
Did my parents
Put me in the same
Box as those who
Chose to waste their
Life doing nothing but
Getting their hands
On drugs and messing
Themselves up?
I was a talented
Young person who
Had appeared in
The local newspapers,
For sporting endeavours.
I was sociable, had
A normal boyfriend with
A decent job who
Kept in good company
And who hated drugs
With a passion.
And my friends were
Productive members of society.
I was smart. An all rounder.
I just knew the harsh
Reality so I didn't
Apply myself at
School or work.
And I held back
With relationships too.
The doctor said
I could STILL have
A career.

Why were my parents
More convinced I
Would never get
Better than I would?
Because the doctors
Did not believe
This of me.
They knew I
Wasn't into drugs so
That's why the doctors,
Asked if there was
Anyone in the family
Who was diagnosed
With a condition.
It was protocol.
So then my parents got
Fixated on the fact
That I had an illness.
When will they find
Out what's wrong not IF,
Said David. My mum
Replying that they
Didn't find anything.
It was me and not
My up bringing.
Bingo. We are in
The clear. I can
See them rubbing their
Hands together when
Flipping it through
Their pig headed minds.
I knew they
Wanted rid of me,
They both used
To tell people they
Wished they had never
Have kids. Thinking
It was cool to say:
Don't do it! They ruin
Your life. If they
Could have put
My name down to
Get a council house
So I got one by
The time I finished
School they would have.
If I had got "ill" when
I was younger,
I could have got
Medical points and
That would bump me
Up the list.
That's what Davids
Drunken rants were about.
No army, with a condition.
Get me a bed sit,
At the homeless hostel.
Can't do that. Said mum
What will people say.
I was getting better
And home all of 2 minutes.
Yet he was preparing
For me to get worse.
Is there homes incase
She gets worse. No,
Asylums don't exist
Anymore. What an a^sehole.
Not even giving me a chance.
So incredibly self centred.
We might be "lumbered"
With a waste of space,
Do you realise that Joan.
He was thinking of
The financial implications.

Cornhill would have
Been where I went
If we speak hypothetically.
"If I got worse."
But not forever.
Maybe even a matter
Of weeks then back
To my Home town.
And if my parents didn't want
Anything to do with me
Then I would have got
Help from social work, out reach
And nursed back to health.
People are treated
In the community today
After hospital and there's
Supported accommodation
That leads to your own tenancy.
Many patients don't have
A place to go, after treatment.
Their partners divorce them
Or familes as much as
Disown them. But They
Don't get thrown on
The street. They get help
From the hospital and
Authorities who work together
To get your life
Back on track.
There is help.
And there is hope.

The doctor at my
First out patient app.
Said you are a person
Who sees your body
As a temple.
Yes I nodded.
How is your attention
Improving, can you
Watch a film without
Getting too distracted,
Or thinking of sad things.
Yes I see a film
Most nights. And with
My boyfriend too.
I can read too
Without interference.
Any dark thought
Creeping in? No,
Trying to be...forward thinking.
After I lost my
First job, I was offered
An assertiveness class.
But to risk disturbing
The mania I had in check.
No it's ok. I'll wait a bit.
I rushed in too fast
And I don't know what
To go for next.
Ok, I'll send an OT
To try help you out.