I often feel my girl (nearly 11 years old now) would be better off without her mother (me) in her life, that I should go live with relatives so she doesn't see panic, depression, mania. (I am making an effort though and have told her [when she was receptive] that I want to spend more time & do more things with her, nearly all I suggested making her quite happy or sounding excited). Though I am still not 100% sure my brain is wrong. Sigh.

I am so sorry about your memory issues too. My brain issues are different (sudden panic attacks, bad short term memory, forgetting how to say, spell/type common words, ugh; one day I even forgot how to start driving and reversing the car. Luckily, I'm a bit less forgetful, but my speech often sucks between Wellbutrin forgetfulness and anti-anxiety meds.

I get bad thought before falling asleep, really sucks.

I am so sorry you have issues too.