How does one go about reinventing (and/or forgiving) themselves after having had a meltdown here at PC a year or so ago and doing something as stupid as closing account and quitting?

Not too proud of these meltdowns, but then again, not too sure I can help them as they seem to come about every so often (Perhaps part of my condition - Complex PTSD?).

Not using that as an excuse, but neither can Cause & Effect be completely denied either, which is what makes it so difficult for me because, do I deserve another chance if I can't guarantee it won't happen again?

At any rate, this is where I'm at right now, and I guess these questions can apply to real life too, because it doesn't seem to be going so great right now even though I've got a lot of really good stuff going for me.

How does one learn to trust and embrace all the good stuff instead of waiting for the "other shoe" to drop; and, is that a form of self-sabotage or simply based on the previous realities of a survivor of long-term trauma?