This is not directly a question about therapy, but I'd like to know what you guys think about this, given that I will talk about it with my T on Friday and I would like to hear from different people what they think of the issue. We already talked about it a bit today, but I feel my T is not quite sure how to respond either, that's why I'd like to hear what other people think. It might be a bit triggering to some, just as a warning.

I have a rather good life currently, apart from the fact that I need therapy. I have a great education, live in a nice country, am healthy physically and so on. However, I am almost certain that my quality of life will decrease rather quickly, just based on what's happening to the world. I expect that by the time I'm 40 or 50 years old, I'll not have a lot of luxuries that I currently have, as well as that the world in general might not be that nice of a place to be in by then. And there is not a lot I, or anyone else for that matter, can do about it. Although this is not a certainty, the probability for this to happen is incredibly high. And if it does, it's a horrible way to live.

Therefore, I feel it's rather senseless to get better in the now. T and I talked today about managing your fears, getting less agitated and scared by things and so on. But I feel that even if I do that now, it won't change the fact that in a few years I'll be in a far worse place than currently. And I can't imagine that at that time I'd feel that the emotional skills I might learn would serve me a whole lot. If everything around you is falling apart, it won't matter whether you're able to tolerate being scared a bit better, you'll still be scared to bits. So to me, the best option is to enjoy life for a year or two and then die while life is still good. I would compare it to receiving the news that with a 99% probability I'll have Alzheimer's disease in two years. I'd live life to the fullest and then die before I turn into a lifeless shell of a human being.

I know that my T will say that there is sense in improving in the now. We already kind of discussed this today, but I feel T doesn't really know either or that he struggles explaining his thoughts on it. I fail to see what that sense is, given that the things I could improve will all only serve me in the short term. Long term, I expect that it would not change too much about either my situation or the feelings I would have when living like that. I will still know about my future and while I might accept it as my future, it would still mean a lot of suffering.

So, I wonder how other people see this. If long term you will suffer, why is there still any use in improving your current emotional state? How does it serve you? My mind tells me that if I improve my current state of mind, I will be less likely to die by suicide. But that would actually increase my suffering in the long run. Therefore, it is actually worse to get better. I feel that it is hopeless to work on things like managing emotions since it would make my future worse, not better, which I find discouraging.