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ECHOES said:
My sesson was last night. It was a good session.

Until today.

Today while at work, I managed to completely destroy the session in my head.

She mentioned emotional regulation and retaining good feelings from the sessions and that *really* meant. . .

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We certainly can't having you retaining a good session! Shame on you for taking a whole night to see how to destroy it! You're getting slow, normally it only takes until the length of time it takes to get out of the session and drive home?

If it was good last night, why do you listen to yourself today? You "felt" good last night, didn't have these doubts about yourself so tell your spoiler self today to back off; you and your T are working together, trying different things, exploring other ways of working, etc. trying to see what you can see. It does sound like a nice session. Is that scary, picking things from your own list for the first time? Not talking about the same relationship loss you always have talked about in the past? Sharing responsibility together with your T about choosing what to talk about together?

My T pointed out that by the time I told her things, I had already sanitized them, worked them in my head so I knew where I was with them, was just "reporting". I even had dreams where she came in second to new info, LOL. Of course, she was the one who noticed that when I told her the dream (which I don't remember in detail but had to do with rolls of toilet paper :-) Talking about what you "bring" with you to therapy, you've already had time with that and talking about your loss, that person isn't there in the relationship with you and your T either.