HappyCrafter, VERY well said and well written!!! I am very sorry you had the experience you had in your childhood. I cannot fathom not remembering and having that sort of abuse in my life. I'm very sorry. However, you are making your story into writing, and you are helping others who need it, and that is something to be VERY proud of. I can certainly relate to having low self esteem. I would love to heal mine. You have inspired me.

In regards to poverty, and living in poverty, I would like to point out something. I think it is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, that you are working so hard, and have employment and quality of life goals you want to achieve. Because of this, I think you will go far. What I want to point out. Is that it is not all about the person in poverty and what they're going through. In the USA, at least, the system is messed up. It's not all your fault that you are in poverty or that it is hard to get out of. There is a system at play in this, and as my friend says: that system is "****ed UP." I say this, because while it sounds like you are not being hard on yourself, and I'm glad, I hope that if you are ever hard on yourself, you can know that it is not your fault. You may even already know this.

Yes. I do live in poverty. I don't feel the stigma. Because I have resources, maybe. I don't know. A car. A financial cushion. I know I wrote about that some in my posts to you in the feedback forum. I DO think though, that mentality can play a part in our situations. Whether we caused it, or someone else did. I noticed, that I have been thinking of myself as "mentally ill / a mental patient," for a long time. It is so unhelpful. What if I thought of myself as "a professional"? "reliable." "hard working and reaping the rewards of my hard work" "someone with strong work ethic." I think these words would help me a lot more that the first I put. I also want to get off of disability, SSI, and live a more independent life. While the reality is that my drug of choice is avoidance, I try everyday. I do my best. My best is not always great. It's not always facing what makes me anxious. But I am doing my best. Edit: I DO feel the stigma of unemployment. Very much, at times. It's hard, but I don't think the entire world and their mom is judgmental and non-understanding. But I have a hard time with that, sometimes.

I take medication that costs a LOT of money. And if I went off medicaid, I don't know what I'd do if I lost that medication. Die maybe? I've been on it for years. So that is a scary thought. That's part of what I mean when I say our system is ****ed up. Who would allow this? Big pharma. The United States Govt. I really have to research how to get my medication if I start working. It's a huge concern of mine.

Ending on a positive note, well done, on writing this post, HC. And thank you.