sorry if this is really long, but I could use some help. I wrote down some pros and cons to make sense of where we're at:

One one hand I have reasons for keeping quiet.
1) he already knows I take medication (not what for), and he knows vaguely i have highs and lows.
2) I just want to be judged for who I am and how I behave in RL, not based of the diagnosis i’ve been labeled, and all the scary **** written about it just a google search away.
I feel like telling people I have “bipolar” doesn't say anything about who I am, but it says a lot about what people think it means. Because it is on one hand a label, and i know what most people think when they hear it.
3) is that it would take me a lot of time to talk about it an unpack what it actually means in my case. You know, explain that i don’t swing every other second,
that i’m not violent, or lack empathy, to explain i’ve been on medication and stable for a long while and that even my occasional highs and lows are so mild now they don’t meet criteria.
It’s just such a long and intense topic of conversation, I don’t even know if I can jump into it or explain it properly. I feel like it would make him understand me less, not more.
4) is I am afraid that he will worry about me, and worry that the worst will happen. I’ve never self-harmed or attempted suicide even back when I was unmedicated,
but I’m afraid that will be something he’ll worry about still. I don’t want to be in a relationship that has that kind of dynamic.
5) is, I don’t usually even think about it. I mean I take my meds, but I still go through periods of time where I forget I even have mental illness. I have that kind of incredible luxury,
because I’m in a way, recovered. I like that it’s not something that hangs over me anymore, I just don’t worry about it. Even when I feel mild symptoms come back, I know how it goes,
most people don’t even notice, i still function, feel normal again in about 1-4 days. Like nothing ever happened. I feel like If I have someone who cares and worries about it, it will hang over me again.
6) is, I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I don’t feel sorry for myself. If anything I feel blessed for the kind of life i’m able to live now.
7) maybe its too soon. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it doesn’t make any difference.

But then there are the other reasons for why i feel i compelled to tell him.
1) I feel like my silence is somehow wrong. I can’t expain it, but I feel this incredible guilt for keeping this from him.
2 I’m just thinking about what’s best for me, but what if it’s not what’s best for him?
3) he has a lot of questions. Why my medication makes me drowsy when I take it. Why I take medication. What my medication is. Why I can stay up really late sometimes, and need more sleep other times. Why I have a sleep routine, why I make myself fall asleep when I feel like staying up all night. Why I avoid smoking weed, Why I avoid drinking too much, why I’m so ******* careful about everything.
4) I’m tired of not giving him clear answers. I feel like I’m lying. Like not outright lying, but just not saying stuff when I should. It just feels wrong.
5) there are those occasional times when my mood is questionably high or low, and it usually just gets written off as good/bad happening, rather than the truth - i just woke up that way and it will go away when it will.
6) I worry about wether or not it effects him, or if he even aware.
7) What if it’s actually obvious. What if he already knows, and just isn’t saying anything either?
8) it’s also made me who I am today. I don’t take life for granted - because I know rock bottom. I take the long and hard road with my goals- because I’ve learned many times that there’s no shortcut. Even though i’m usually stable, i’m still affected by my past experiences in the way I approach life. It’s not just a bad thing.