I had a bad morning. Had some really self-destructive thoughts (I don't want to trigger anyone). Basically, a lot of anger, self-hatred, thought a lot about my regrets and past mistakes. The anger and sadness were so intense, and I almost had a panic attack while driving or some kind of a meltdown.

Mid day, I thought things were a little better, but a few things happened at work, and the clonazepam that I took no longer worked. I talked to a friend and calmed down a little bit, but then found out from my mom that my grandma is in the hospital, who I am very close to. It's been a rollercoaster of a day, and the self-defeating thoughts and anger directed towards myself is all still there. However, I'm going to have hope that maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better? It doesn't seem like it though.

Hugs to all who need them.