<3
I get stuck in the circular logic loop. I'm a bad person for wanting compassion, because I have no right to want compassion, because I'm a bad person, as evidenced by the fact that I want compassion even though I don't deserve it.
And anything I do to allow myself to receive compassion or be kind to myself is therefore a moral failure of character, further evidence that I am a bad person. And I have no right to do any of this because my feelings don't matter. Because I'm me.

T kind of lightly teases me about this when we're talking about it with lower emotional intensity and it's clear that I'm aware of the irrationally. The irony of my "day job"/educational training vs the way I reason when it cones to my core beliefs is not lost on either of us.