<font color="purple"> </font> Hi,(flawed).First of all,let me say,I'm uncomfortable referring to you as "flawed" so if you don't mind, how 'bout I call you "imperfect"?My name is jill and I haven't been able to post for a while now but when I read your post I jumped at the chance to be one of many who can honestly say NO YOU ARE NOT FLAWED!!!You are who you are and (thank God) that is NOT defined by your fears,weaknesses,illnesses or what others may think of you.I don't know you and am not a doctor but I would suggest you see your Dr. and carefully describe your feelings to him/her so that they might direct you toward the proffesional support you need. I will tell you a little bit of my experience and hope it helps you to see you are not alone and there is another side other than the one you have been seeing.My diagnosis is borderline personality disorder(which involves a tremendous fear of being hurt/rejected abandoned,judged etc.),bipolar disorder(which involves severe mood swings of "highs" and "lows"),anxiety disorder(which makes every day things anxiety inducing) and some "features" of a few other disorders.I too suffered for most of my life with an over powering fear of vomiting.I also spent most of my adult life ignoring dr.s opinions and being very self destructive.In my case,all of my illnesses had one thing in common,and that was tremendous fear.But at the time,for all those years, I believed that I was just "flawed" and not strong or disciplined or good enough to "pull myself out of it".You see, when you aren't well, you aren't thinking as you would if you were.you don't have "insight" into the situations around you and your perception of things(like the way others see you or feel about you)is often based on your fears.So I projected my fears and self loathing onto others and assumed that they felt the same way.In actual fact, we don't know what they think,we can't.And,as I tell myself daily,at the end of the day,I am not the thing or person most prevalent in thier minds.Many things can influence a person's seeming indifference or dislike towards us.It could be stress at work,at home,in a marriage,a mental illness,OR just maybe,deep inside maybe that person is afraid you are judging them.We don't know what goes on behind closed doors in anyone's life. What is important right now is that you see someone professional who can help you to gain insight into your feelings.If you are suffering from a mental disorder,there is so much that can be done to help you.I want you to know that I have had a difficult struggle and still do in some ways but I am happily married,have a productive job with people whom I have made aware of my illness,I am NO LONGER afraid of vomiting!!!(not even a little).I have not done this myself.It has taken Dr.s medications,time and alot of patience...but it's not where you start but where you end up that's most important. You may feel that noone cares but they do.I do. PLEASE let others help you to see more clearly that you are not flawed you are imperfect and we all are.Life would be so boring if we weren't.It sounds as though you and I have alot in common and I would love to help if I can.Feel free to e -mail me.Otherwise, please keep posting.Take cars.jill.