The challenge with this Kavanaugh situation for me was the politics that surrounded it and the pressure to believe her and condemn him, instead of just sitting and listening to what each individual had to say. There were a lot of different things for me to think about and a lot of what was discussed hit me on a lot of different personal levels too. For me personally I have not only been a victim of sexual abuse, but I have also faced being accused of something I NEVER did more than once and both experiences were extremely upsetting for me and quite frankly traumatized me. The element of being young and drinking and acting stupid that was discussed is also something that challenged me as well because I saw individuals in that age group get drunk and act stupid and I was not one that got drunk myself. Yet, I did see others get stupid, yet I also knew individuals who drank too much and got stupid but were not abusing in a sophisticated way as was described or encouraged in this case. I also most definitely saw other girls party just as hard as the guys did and behave in ways I never would or did.

I listened to the accuser and I have to say I did not believe her. When I was a victim, I definitely remembered the place and who was there etc. I also felt that considering what little evidence this accuser had, that she should not have been put in this very public situation that was also extremely political. I felt is was not fair to her and the many women that watched this process that were also victims. I did not really pick a side either, however, when I saw his reaction where he was both angry and tearful, that is how I myself felt and was when I was accused of something I did not do. That being said, I was myself in a position where anything I did say could be used against me and I can't say enough how difficult being put in the position really is. I have also been deposed and know first hand how the opposition most definitely finds anything they can about you, even "hearsay" where they can use it against your credibility. Even how just because you spent time with certain people you can be judged badly in the kind of person the other person is which can be very different then the kind of person you are, a kind of "guilty by association" tactic.

It definitely has hit very close to home with me when it comes to being accused of something I NOT guilty of in that my older sister accused me of taking money from my parents, even manipulated my own parents into thinking that behind my back. Her objective was to secure her power and control over them along with their money. My older sister insists on using that same thing against me just so people will think badly of me, this includes social workers, doctors, staff at the nursing homes my parents are in it's been VERY TOXIC. I can't tell my parents what she did, that she lied to them either because my father has dementia so bad that he doesn't even know me and my mother also has dementia, last time I saw her she knew me, but she is in no condition where I can have a chance to tell her what my sister did and I know my mother, actually both my parents would be livid if they knew. Honestly, I would rather be raped then what I have experienced when it comes to having my own sister accuse me of something I never did. I know how people can be extremely cruel when it comes to wanting control over and power. When someone says "I will do anything to prevent", believe them because I know first had how a person WILL actually do ANYTHING they can to take power away from you and even if that means to create LIES not caring who gets hurt by it.

There was a lot about this entire scenario that was triggering for me.