One thing I learned is that I'm very well defended. So, I used that to start taking chances. I know beyond a doubt that I can raise the drawbridge, drop the portcullis, cue the archers, boiling hot oil/tar guys on the ramparts, and gators in the moat long before the other person can even blink when I get triggered so I let myself defend myself! That leaves "Me" free to stick my toe in the water.

Say something you're afraid to say or imagine T getting angry; what's going to happen? You'll shut down. It's like watching a scary movie on TV, so you get scared, so what? You recover, the movie ends, etc. Knowing that gives me a great feeling of power and control. I can "taunt" myself with scary things knowing that I've experienced the worst that can happen before and can again if necessary but I might as well see how long I can stand out here naked before I have to shut down? May not have to this time or not as soon, etc. The more "space"/further from the castle I can get the more comfortable I'm gonna be and fewer fears I'll have. Eventually you have a whole kingdom, all yours, and friendly citizens all around.