I dont do anything. I dont work, I dont go to school, i dont have a friend that I can talk to. I can go weeks without saying a word. I literally have nothing going on in my life. Failed out of school and fired from every job I have had(crippling anxiety). I stay home all day, neglect myself and eat, which fuels my depression even more. Insecure about my looks,never been in a relationship. I've accomplished nothing in my life. The 1 person I do live with(my mom) doesnt speak to me. She has a car but refused to give me a ride anywhere( one time she purposely backed up the car as I was trying to get in and nearly ran over my foot).

I've been trying to apply to jobs, but so far nothing. I dont even have a car, and its harder to get around. I've taken the bus before, but waiting on the street while having dozens of cars pass by triggers my anxiety horribly. I feel so vulnerable and 'naked' standing on the sidewalk. This makes me avoid taking the bus too. The only jobs i qualify for(fast food, retail) leave me depressed. One of my last coworkers(17 year old) made an insulting comment to a customer about how I was nearly 30 when she thought I was younger than I actually am.

I hear her (my mother) making plans to move to another state, which tbh i dont really care about, other than not having anywhere to go. I know my dad would let me stay with him vs the street, but my stepmother hates me,so i rarely go there, on top feeling embarrassed for accomplishing nothing.. I would rather live on the street.

Two younger siblings are at college, and one is in his senior year of high school and currently 2nd in his class. I didnt even graduate high school. One of my sisters is applying to medical school. I feel so ashamed.

I dont know how to get myself out of this rut. Im an adult! I should have my sh## together! Theres nothing stopping me from being happy other than myself right? Sometimes I wish i had the guts to go through with 'it'. But I dont. I desperately want to be happy.