Who is that with
The hat and hands
In his pooches...is that
Yes, It's Fred.
Walking to the Pub.
He is going to...
To meet His work pal.

I joined a gym.
To get out of the
House when I was
Not working. The
Membership covered the pool.
I chose it because it was,
A quieter more exclusive place.
And a change from
The gym I used before.
And I chatted away
To a bloke who was
Waiting for a new job
To crop up after
He was paid off.
He was young too in twenties,
Was being Friendly.
There was no attraction.
He said he came
To keep his days
In a routine until
He got another job.
Helped him relax,
If he worked out
For a few hours a day.
Instead of watching cakk
On the tv. Kept
That needed structure.
And when he got
Back to working
Full time, he came
Less often. And then
Not at all.

I saw a friend
When on errands.
And we just
Shot the breeze.
I'm going to be
A mature student soon
Do it right this time.
Student life, drinking
And night life, go for it!
I broke my ankle
Out in.....got two
More weeks then
Back to work,
And dancing again.
Can't come quick enough.
Got to go, she said
Meeting a pal to
Watch my dvds here.
And I had a reverie
Back to old times,
Invited round
To watch Little Britain
With another pal
In our gang from school.
And it hit me.
I told my work colleague
I bumped into a friend.
All my friends
Are now acquaintances.
My social life had been
Intertwined with Freds.

Have I done the right thing?
People will think
Fred had dumped me
And I am scorned and depressed.
I began to have surreal
Episodes where a simple
And mundane task
Would feel like it was
Running in slow motion
While I was immersed
In a past memory.
I WAS depressed.

I went to the gp centre, and
In my heightened state
I said I couldn't risk
Being seen going up "there."
The doctor was slightly
Panicking. I hadn't seen
A doctor like that before.
He flipped his computer
Screen around to
Face me and said you
Have to go and see them.
He showed me an old
Letter from my file.
But I didn't listen.
He was worried
That at my last
Appointment I saw
A newly qualified gp,
And they hadn't picked
Up on what they did.
And I would have
Appeared well back then.
But I was defiant
And combatative refusing
To take on board
Their plea to go
And see the psychiatrist.
They were genuinely
Worried for my welfare
And figuring out
What had been happening.
I promised to,
Make an appointment.
And speak to my doctor.
They knew that
I was my own
Worst enemy at this point
And sensed the danger
I Was in. And I said ok,
I WILL see the psychiatrist.
And they pointed
To the number on
The letter. I can print it off
They said and I assured
Them that I knew,
It was called the P... clinic.

But as insight begins
To fade, I was tumbling
Towards another breakdown.
And the crippling depression
I waded through after
This one, still wasn't enough
To prevent me from
A third hospitalization.
And I see why
The doctors said they
Were in agreement that they
Had not adequately
Treated the illness.
Even though this
Was eight years in.
And this time,
It called for a
Six month stay. Minimum.