Thanks. I really appreciate your empathy as itīs easy to feel lonely and not understood in a situation like this with my T.
Yes, during our therapy she extended the sessions out of compassion but it was also naive as she knew about the rules from the beginning. The effect the now abrupt end had isnīt compensated by her being caring and kind to extend therapy.
I hadntīthought of the point you make about not giving me the choice of continuing under the risk of being abruptly terminated. But as she for some reason wasn't able to tell me we had to end when we had reached the session limit, the less she had been able to give me a choice. She knew what she did was wrong but never made any plan for our sessions or how they would end.
I think she saw me as a person "in need for therapy" and as I also know rather a lot about therapy, Iīm interested in the process I think she found it rewarding to work with me. It seems she got her therapist diploma but havenīt had the opportunity to practise that much. Itīs more or less impossible to make a living as an alternative therapist here in Sweden. They need to charge as much as a licensed psychotherapist who has a much more extensive education. Then most people choose a psychologist/psychotherapist.
As thereīs something more to this she doesnīt tell me I wonīt call her again. She and her supervisor have already shown me they wonīt arrange for someone else to see me and my therapist canīt give me a proper explanation why itīs so impossible for them to offer me four or five sessions more to be able to wrap things up.
My T did ask me if she could call me on the same day as I texted her and told her I wasnīt able to see her for our very last session as I was too much in shock. It was when her supervisor just had told us we had to end it all. When we then scheduled a phone session instead she asked me if I wanted to call her or if she should call me and I then choose to be the one to call her as I donīt like to sit by the phone waiting. It has been so very hard as it is to be able to talk to her, to go into a kind of conflict with a person I trusted.
But I now worry a lot as I donīt have anyone else to turn to, to continue working on my issues. Itīs not that I just need someone to process the grief and the betrayal but I still have issues I started to work on several years ago. But because of the lack of public health care Iīm still stuck. Itīs not just about like "boosting my self-confidence" or similar but deeper issues.
I think my T tried to repair some damage, not to suddenly defend her of course but she has said sheīs sorry and that itīs her fault. But itīs not enough as this isnīt just a mistake, like extending therapy with one or two sessions but actively telling me several times that we will go on with therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
Sarah, my heart goes out to you because I know I'd feel exactly the same way you are feeling. What your T did IS a betrayal, in my book for sure.
To me it also wouldn't matter if she was extending sessions out of compassion for me (which I do believe was the case).
The point here is that your T completely denied your right to decide for yourself how this problem of limited sessions should be resolved. This was supposed to be your decision and your decision only. By making that decision for you without asking you about it first and by lying to you about what the real situation was she disrespected you. If she'd told you from the start what the real deal was and offered you to extend the number of sessions at the risk of therapy being terminated any time if her superiors find out, then it would've been your decision to go ahead with it or not. If you'd decided to do it, then, at least, you would've been prepared for an unexpected termination and wouldn't have been traumatized by it.
So, yes, she was dishonest and irresponsible. When "compassion" doesn't take into account the realities of the situation and when the "compassionate" person doesn't ask the one they want to help if the person wants the kind of help they want to offer, that's not real compassion to me. It is someone trying to boost their self-image of a heroic rescuer.
Unfortunately, therapy profession is full of those who use it to built the "hero" self-image to make themselves feel good about themselves, which has nothing to do with helping others.
Screw your T. Seriously. I too don't believe that another phone call would make you feel better. And, I also find the fact that it was you, not her who has been calling so far outrageous. She should be the one calling you and she should be apologetic and sympathetic to you if she wants to repair the damage at least a tiny bit, which doesn't look like she does.
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