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Originally Posted by Daonnachd
My mother was moved to hospice care this week so I'm taking my family to see her this afternoon. It's a tight schedule because my wife is teaching a class at the art center, my younger son is helping make breakfast for the girls here for a volleyball tournament, and my older son has to be back by 7pm for the opening at the art gallery. I'm worried about my mother and stressed about the timing. Yet I almost feel like not going because when I rang her to say that I would be there today she thought I was my brother, so if I weren't to show up it'd be on him ... except that I don't know how much longer she'll be with us and I want my boys to see her again. The statistics surrounding longevity in hospice suggest less than 20 days. I don't know that she'll make it to Thanksgiving, which is likely the next opportunity my boys will have to see her given their academic and extracurricular demands.
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Sorry to hear that. My grandma was the same, although she had dementia. Not sure what your mom has, but you don't need to share if you don't want to. Just saying that my grandma had it.
She confused my whole family with different people. It was really hard to see. I didn't go to hospice to see her often because it broke my heart.
Please don't feel guilty if you don't want to go. If it'll hurt you more to go than it'll hurt you to stay, then that's something to consider. But I understand that people in hospice do want comfort even if they don't know you anymore, which is why it's always so stressful to stay or go. But someone in my family (my dad, sister, or mom) almost always went to see my grandma in hospice to give her comfort. So I didn't feel so guilty or stressed since we all took turns, even if I didn't go as often as they did. Taking turns really helped everyone cope with the stress.
You also don't have to stay very long if you don't want to. We would keep it to 20 mins or an hour to reduce stress. She got enough comfort even if it was only 20 mins. She enjoyed the presence of visitors even if she didn't know who we were or if she mixed us up. She just needed someone from outside hospice to let her know she wasn't alone. She didn't particularly care who it was, honestly.
Your mom might be different, but I just thought I'd share that with you. You can always have your kids go without you if you're too upset. Or ask your brother to go.
Edit: one more thing... Sometimes people get overwhelmed when too many people visit them at once. Not everyone is that way, but that's another thing you can consider if you want to take turns.