Hi--
Ive never been good socially. I think Im autistic spectrum. Im disabled with Prim. biliary Cirr that is heredutary. I nearly died as an infant due to pneumonia 5 times so my mom was afraid to bond with me. She had a 3 yo to care for. Well despite alot of pain anxiety felling horrible due to AI flares I grew up and got an MA and had succes as a systems architect and programmer. Pbc kills you slowly. Then i became disabled. I was told I also have Pulm Fibrosis, Sjogrens, Polyglandular Dysfunction with Hashimotos as complications of the PBC and gi stuff, and I got thru it all with meds. For being so sick i was doing well. Then out of the blue I got Myasthenia Gravis and it started to get really bad fast and i couldnt see. The medicine for that worked for a year. I went to the doctor for 2 years prior for bad gi pain that ended up being acute pancreatitis i have been in bed alot seldom go outside. Anyway i learned I cant be in pain in front of a doctor as a middle aged woman or they send you to a mental hospital. But if you dont show it i block alot they think you dont hurt and they blow you off. Anyway turns out my immunosuppressant has a black box for myasthenia gravis so i tried to go off for a few months and got really sick. I was finnally hospitalized for pancreatitis was very very ill and got gall bladder out. Neither of my sons called and i had to have someone i met on the internet take care of me and drive me home. My oldest called who was estranged from me in a divorce called and just started yelling at me blaming me for my other sons life and i have heard this from my son and ex inlaws for decades and its not true. I just snapped and told them they could not talk to me like that that if they could not respect me they could f### off. Then we hit at a red light with injuries and my thyroid went nuts. I felt like someone on death row. My autoimmune disease also acted up. I received a thymectomy for myasthenia gravis. I develop hypersensitivity to synthroid. My estranged son who is 34 still refuses to speak to me saying that being sick doesnt excuse the way I talked to him. His wife hates me and calls me a hypochondriac because despite obvious physical signs of disability and disease Im not as sick as Stephen Hawking was before dying. I dont know how to repair this and really wish i didnt miss him so much and they have my grandchild who was born on my birthday. I always believed my son would someday understand why i couldnt be there. I hired lawyers to fight even. But I feel deeply hurt by his wifes comments and my sons behavior and tat hes willing to just throw me away like my mom and dad did. Part of me wishes i could take back my words and another part wishes i could have said them to his face. Hes a malignant narcissist I know but hes my son.