I can speak on the mom side and the daughter side
There are only two emotions in the world: love and fear. The negative emotions stem from fear like anger and hate. So you might look at why you fear your mother. The shifting sands of lies and smears cause fear. Its only because my mother has done so much work and takes meds that i can have any kind of relationship. I dont say anything i cant handle repeated. Also adult children can build an image in their mind that is not accurate like that mom is hyperjudgmental and wouldnt approve of their choices when in fact they themselves dont approve of their own choices and might find the inkling that they are not as in control as they believe frightening. Or perhaps you just think differently from your mom and she cant handle that. Im autistic spectrum and my mom is narcissistic. I could care about people or appearances. My mother condemned me for that and I believed i was a horrible person because I wouldnt make the effort to be dishonest and phony. I still have massive trouble with all my relationships because i dont lie well. Its demanded and thats probably the worst discrimination one can face. But if you stay honest and simply treat others as you would like to be treated and realize you are doing that for yourself because ultimately how we feel about others is how we really feel about ourselves to some extent. And the forgiveness we show others is directly the amount of forgiveness we show ourselves. So I forgive because I know I need to forgive myself this is so important. I suffered for years till this sunk in. You dont need to apologize unless you feel you do but you can just start fresh with your mom and i always tell my mom lets talk about whats going on today. And realize she probably doesnt understand her problems. Just sigh and there is no such thing as superficial relationships. You are there and thats what matters. Superficial is the best. History is overrated. Tell her how you feel about the past and how she treats you calmly and kindly hug her and ask her to work on it and move on. Moms love to do things for their kids. Maybe buy her a book. When you get older it can be hard to see how you act and women have it hard hormonally. Makes you nuts