Hey Sisabel - hugs your way if acceptable.
I don't think it does any good judging people who drink and get loud (I don't drink) - I mean, you are letting yourself get pulled out of your own inner balance by other people's behaviour. Yes, I do too if people are rude in a group situation, but fact is people know those people are rude and they will probably say so behind their backs. People put up with stuff in a group situation that they wouldn't accept in close friendships.

I feel tenderly for you, because it... it's really hard putting ourselves out there and being disappointed. I think the disappointment and bewilderment are triggers for me.

Someone in the last group that I was in told me, "keep going and you will find it's worthwhile". I didn't keep going but I do keep bumping into various members of that group who I like on local buses and in cafes. Even that pleasure is worth it, because we need pleasure with other people.

I admire you for going all out with this when your husband isn't social, because that must make it extra difficult to sustain. You will get somewhere if you are patient, both with yourself and with other people ;/ wry smile because easier said than done.

I still don't have reliable friends but I got more patient with my own learning, and that's making me a tad more patient with others. It is a struggle, but if that's what we want in our lives surely it's worth a fight.

Love frm ….. saidso