I have a question which might sound a bit mad, hmmm. Reading this thread - and you write so much better about the problems of making friends than I can - I reflect that I often have all sorts of reactions to people that I meet. I have judgements about what is fair and responsible, I have deep hurting about "not being cared about enough", I have a need for someone to confirm what I'm experiencing and to help me separate from my reactions enough to make good decisions, I need warmth and smiles of recognition, I need fun, I need wisdom.

I was mean to someone at the market yesterday and another person told me off about that. I carry around assumptions and needs and thoughts/ worries/ hates.

The part inside me that reaches out for friendships is often the youngest, most innocent part and she needs a lot of comforting if friends ignore her.

What I'm wondering about you is... who is the part reaching out to these friends and what does she need in order to feel more hopeful about it all. One tactic that I use to face discomfort or disappointment - is to allow some time to discuss it with myself inside. Today for example, went to buy some prezzies for people who I will be visiting and I found myself feeling tired because the shop was so unhelpful, and sad because I wanted some peace instead of being in a noisy shop. On the bus coming home, I said to my younger inside self that she is sad, she said because noone cares, and I said I can show you that I care. She said, nah. But later we got off the bus and sautered past some shops she likes, and bought a bottle of water and a small snack. Grad-u-a-lly the sadness got soothed into a feeling of contentment.

It was a question of listening to the fact that I/we were thirsty and hungry, and needed something satisfying in the stomach, needed a DVD for distraction but not finding one we liked was ok, weighed up going to a proper restaurant and decided we had better food back home. It's the listening attention that seems to soothe me.
I imagine that relationships with other people need something of the same inner listening and kindness. To have resilience, to know when there is an opportunity to reach out, when to float free, when to turn the back and walk away.

Having said that, I am about to meet a lot of new people and I am terrified!
Not sure if that makes sense, but I write it respectfully...
saidso