who is the part reaching out to these friends and what does she need in order to feel more hopeful about it all. One tactic that I use to face discomfort or disappointment - is to allow some time to discuss it with myself inside

I'm running around like a mad thing today, so please excuse my quoting myself. I was trying to say something about taking time to self-care around disappointment and hope.

I don't like drunks, I don't like people who are late, in fact the number of things that I don't like could potenatially cancel out 98% of people as potential friends and probably does. However, I am beginning to realise that I have to give care and attention to my needs and painful emotions, and then.... a lot more people are drawn to me. There will always be a small number who hate my guts for reasons of their own. However, I feel at ease with more people than I did before.

We are different, you and I, so what works for me may not work for you. I don't think that I've had a lot of negative experiences of friendship. Just I haven't given much space for friendship in my life before - too many hours working and like you I've moved around.

I do think you seem to blame people for stuff like "taking advantage" whereas to me that would signal that I made a mistake about my boundaries. Shifting the cause to something that I can learn to do better makes me less dependent upon others behaviour. Perhaps I'm just over independent.

Re. your drunk neighbour and friends: yes I had a houseguest for a month recently who was drinking and her behavour disgusted me and exhausted me for weeks after she left. I spent hours sleeping to get over it, and I would never ever invite her again.

It just takes one nice person to balance out the equation, however.

Hugs, and hopefulness coming your way this morning!!!!!