I think it’s a fear of loneliness and a fear of missing out and a fear of being a failure behind all these emotions about relationships... my relationship with my parents is crap and you never stop blaming yourself for bad relationships with family....

Tell your hubby why you need friends, get him to listen kindly to your experiences. He sounds a bit stuck in his ways, but I am sure that your couple will benefit when you have a few friends and feel happier. Talk to him a bit, open up... see how he feels about having other people connected to your relationship?

He sounds a bit like a wet blanket and suspicious of change, but potentially caring. You could tell him about the alternative of moving to Japen .

Oh gosh, I am still nervous about meeting those people - inside me there are lots of insecurities. Neither you nor I grew up with good examples of friendships so we have to learn how to walk all by ourselves.