I had a mom with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, diagnosed by a psychiatric nurse. My mom believed she was an angel. I don't mean someone who never does anything wrong. I mean she thought she was an angel from God. And she was the nastiest person I ever met in my life. Manipulative, controlling, lying, judgmental. And she took joy in hurting others. But she had a group of people whom she was soooooooo nice to. So those people thought she was wonderful. I get it. I know this person you describe. They know nothing about you, yet label you. My mom would trash me to my face, then turn around and brag about how I was the first one in our extended family (she had nine siblings) to go to university. So she hated me, but bragged about me. She just never bragged about me in front of me. I completely understand your situation with your mother. I completely stopped all contact with my mother when I was about forty years old. And I never looked back. But she continued to do things to hurt me even then.