What I have come to understand, in my own case, is that I had two choices with regard to what I needed. (I say "had" rather than "have" because, at this point, I'm too old to worry about any of it.) On the one hand I could have said... this is what I need for me & screw anyone who doesn't like it or can't accept it. On the other hand I could have just gone along with whatever the significant people in my life wanted & tried to make the best of it.

Mostly I did the latter. (Not that I did it at all well. But that's what I did. Unfortunately I also did a lot of damage along the way trying to just go along & make do.) I recall, while speaking with one particular therapist years ago, I said... I know what my options are. I just don't like any of them. So I guess the bottom line, for me, is that I was the only person who was really concerned about what I needed; & it was my choice. I wish I had come to understand that earlier in life.