I had such success with a problem that I posted about before from here - I seek help again!

So my head is all backwards! I could do with advice/opinions anything to straighten my head out and help me make the right decisions.
I'll provide some intimate background about me- I dont mind being brutally honest about myself and my life.
So I'm 31, and the way I see it my relationship history goes like this - I was loose until 21, then I met a girl I was serious about, but she was awful and I had my heart broken. (Cheated, lied etc). Anyway I initially became resentful to women but engaged in relationships and went through a cycle of dependency, never really taking a break from relationships until about two years ago I hit a wall of depression from not being comfortable with who I was with - a rebound relationship that went too far and despite my doubts, we had kids together and it wasn't until I felt trapped and guilty for not truly feeling like I loved her - I became unhappy and she figured it out. I felt better for being honest about my emotions and I didn't engage in anything romantic for a long time- taking a break to figure all this stuff out! The mother of my children is a wonderful person and we have a great relationship despite the hurt I caused her.
So... It had been over a year since we split - and I felt like I could at least start dating - just for company - wanting to avoid anything serious.
I had a few flings - nothing too exciting and I was clear with my boundaries and the definition of keeping it exclusively physical. Anyway, I'm in this phase for a couple of months - feeling more like myself again for what could be the first time in a decade and I meet someone who has totally blown my mind.
I actually feel as though I fell in love with her the moment I met her - and that I haven't had any control of this or my feelings, although I don't really believe in It, it does feel like fate/destiny etc. All the awfully cheesy platitudes that I can't help because I'm constantly excited to spend time with her and I think about her constantly.
I knew pretty early on this is how I've felt- but now it's tearing me up as I want to tell her, I feel as though I'm keeping it from her. The worst bit is that I don't know if telling her would jeopardise what we have as she wants to take it steady - but I'm a single parent who doesn't want to make the same mistake twice so I feel like we are on the same page there. However she has had some awful past relationships where she has been manipulated and mistreated to the extreme- she looks at me with skeptism sometimes and I don't know if just telling her would help her understand what I feel is true, not something I feel I could experience twice, and not with someone else, or will she see it as I'm trying to manipulate her into being attached to me to implement some form of control. Which I know the latter isn't true, I want her to stay just how she is and I don't want to change her that's for sure!
I was wondering if anyone has known anything like this- should I tell her or not?

Particularly- is it possible or sound ridiculous to fall in love with someone when you first meet them?
When is it right to tell someone? (For clarity in past relationships I've always felt like I've been saying I love you too as a reply rather than a declaration)
As she keeps her distance because she's insecure of being hurt again- should I be wary of being too intense or find a method to be patient?

Thanks for reading, I appreciate any reply or insight, and take it easy, life is beautiful !