I went in and he said "you had a good weekend then?" I said yes. He asked what it was like to meet an online friend I hadn't met before. I said we had a fantastic day and told him about the things we had done and that it felt very natural to me.
I said my whole weekend was good and I want to tell him but I don't. He said what's the 'don't'. I sighed and said "why didn't you put hi echos on your email?" I said that it seemed like he couldn't be bothered to respond to my email, in which case he didn't have to. I said I was annoyed with him. He said he maybe was distracted. I said exactly. It's like you quickly wrote it in the commercial break. It was a Sunday night, if you don't want to email back, just don't.
He said he was sorry that his response had annoyed me. I said it's okay.

I said I was worried that he felt weird about me meeting his ex T. I said that email, coupled with something he had said at the end of last session made me wonder if he found it weird, and that I didn't want him to respond weirdly to me talking about it because I would find that difficult.

I talked in general terms about my feelings about the weekend and the people I met. I also talked about anger a bit from a theoretical perspective and he asked whether he makes room for my anger towards him. I said "I don't think I make room for it myself" and then I said "So are you going to tell me what your builder said?"

He said his builder was a bit sketchy about dates, but that it would take two days. He asked if I had thought about it more. I said "of course I have". I said that I would be okay with it but I would need to know exactly where in the house I would be going, I would need there to be no family photos and I would need to know how we would manage his wife arriving home. T said that he was thinking we could use his conservatory (sun room) as it has its own door and there are blinds all around for privacy. He said there are no family photos in there. I said that suited me perfectly and I was pleased with that idea.
My eyes were going funny. I said they often do that when we talk about the relationship. He asked whether there are any feelings attached to it. I said I think it's instead of feelings. He asked me to try and get in touch with the feelings.

I said I feel sad that you're keeping me separate from the house, even though it's what I want. He talked about the two strands, the happy about the arrangement and the sad, and said he wondered if they stem from the same place or thing. I said I think the happy about the arrangement part exists to counterbalance the part that wants to go in his house and see family photos. I think it's actually defensive, to protect me from rejection/exclusion.

I said it's funny because I can let myself be in loving feelings towards him, but I still have trouble being in sadness with him. He asked if I am just allowing myself to be in it now. I nodded. A couple of minutes passed and I smiled, he said what. I said "I just had a fantasy of your wife walking in, and me telling her to f*** off.". I said that suggests there is anger there too, but I suspect it is not at her. He asked if it was at him. I said I don't think it is anything to do with him. I talked a bit about my mother's secrecy, and how I would push her to tell me things I really shouldn't know because I couldn't bear her whispering.

I showed him the results of the PC poll I made and as I did I said offhandedly, "I wrote on this thread I'm not envious of your wife, but I am a little bit envious of your kids. I know I said I wasn't but I am a bit". I notice I said it in a way where we were doing something else so he couldn't really respond to that.

He said "We have 10 minutes left and I notice we haven't spoken about your experience of [my ex T]" He said I might not want to, and that's fine, but he wanted to give me the opportunity if I wanted to. I think I was waiting for his permission.

I told him that I think his ex T is adorable. He laughed. I said he was just a lovely man and he nodded. I told him that I told his ex T that my T had been wondering how he is, and that his ex T said to tell my T that he is good.
I showed him a picture of a few of us sat around talking and laughing. T said "He looks well".

I stood up and he hugged me really strongly. It felt so nice. I said "that felt really good" and he smiled. We said goodbye and off I went.