JayL-
You poor thing. You are dealing with so many issues that it's probably been hard for you to figure out where the end of the string is. I think the first thing you need to do is explore why it would be so awful if you figured out that you are in fact gay. I am not saying that you are...but I imagine that most gay people have gone through exactly what you are going through now. So, play the "what if" game with your self. Don't be afraid. Think about what it would really like to be an out of the closet gay man. What about that scares you the most? Are you really that afraid of what others will think of you? To me, it sounds like you are judging yourslef way more than anyone else could ever judge you. You don't have judgements about openly gay people, so you shouldn't judge yourself for being...well, you. Whatever your sexual orientation might be.
I think you need to forgive yourself for just being YOU! Realize what a great person you are, how passionate you are in wanting to better yourself, how strong you are for reaching out and asking for help!
Is it possible that you are not gay at all, comletely straight as an arrow, but you are hiding behind this issue to protect yourself from something greater? We all tend to do that when we are feeling lost or afraid. We create (not consiously) issues that seem obvious to avoid what is really upsetting us. Focusing on the gay/straight thing may be a distraction for something else that you are to frightened to deal with...and that is okay...but realize that there is a bigger issue here. You shoudl love yourself no matter what. You should be proud to be whoever you really are no matter what others think of you...and (surprise, surprise) that is when others seem to come around and show you the respect you've always wanted. You deserve to be respected...do you believe that? I believe that! You are a great person and you will figure out what you want, because you are strong and willing, and deserve to feel good about yourself. It sounds like you need to figure out why you have become so angry at yourself and forgive yourself for it. By the way...I don't know what your definition of Nerd is, but my thought is that you are NOT a nerd, because most nerds don't know that they are nerds. They just like what they like. If you think you are a nerd and don't want to be, only you can change that. You can be anything you want to be! Be proud! I know you have reason to be! I am proud of you.