I'll admit that I have bipolar disorder and I am willingly off of my medication right now. I'm working at a naturopathic Docs office and it's a struggle to hear about toxins all day and not worry about what you're putting in your body. That being said. I am ALL FOR medication. I think they're vital and necessary for some people. I guess I just hoped I wasn't one of them. I struggle with accepting my diagnosis a little. Anyway, it's been a few months. No Mania, no severe crippling depression which is pretty much my norm. I thought I was doing ok. It gave me hope that maybe I don't need the meds. But I find myself really really stressed lately. I'm struggling to get anything done after work because the weight of my daily stress is so much that I'm exhausted by the time I get home. I've been smoking marijuana to help me sleep. Like... every night. It's the only bit of escape or joy I get in my day to be honest. My close friendships are a little strained right now so I'm probably not being accountable for maintaining my mental health at the moment. Then there is my relationship. I'm dating this GREAT guy. He's smart, has a good job, is STUPID attractive, and he's pretty nice to me. He's not perfect. He's not very verbal with his affection and I struggle with that. I tend to need a little more encouragement and uplifting than the average bear. I'm starting to worry about if I'm really happy in this relationship. I wonder if we have a good foundation of friendship when we don't really enjoy the same things. We don't have a lot of fun together. I find myself not wanting to be around him as much... or feeling imposed upon when he's around. I don't feel understood or accepted by him. I have a difficult time discussing deep issues with him. He's not someone I feel I can go to when I'm having a hard time. Compassion isn't his strong suit. All this being said, I'm mature enough to know that relationships aren't all sunshine and daisies. There is a lot about this relationship that's good and I don't want to ruin a good thing. I wonder how much my depression and anxiety could be playing a role in me pushing him away. I also just simply suck at relationships so it's quite likely that I'm the problem. Anyone care to help me unravel this mess?