My low self esteem manifested today. I guess I coped with it. I had fun seeing the show Benidorm at the theatre, famous faces and body confident actors. I felt old and unattractive. I have pain in my right arm when I move it, I think it is caused by my neck,herniated disc.

I cannot imagine anyone finding me attractive and wanting to be with me ever. And no one ever does find me attractive when out and about, fact, no one wants to be with a disabled woman who is fat and has a hump at the base of her neck and walks with a walking stick. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I am sad about it. I am overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy when I contemplate getting involved in a relationship. One for the therapist I think.

The thing is I cope too well with the limitations of my disability and the fact certain avenues and relationships are blocked to me cos of it. On the days I don't cope I cancel everything and hibernate.