I recorded a job video to show a contractor....then a southern voice narrated a bit....shock...it was this body and it wasn’t me.

This got me thinking about all the comments this body makes in the different voices, moods, jokes, and attitudes in the day....it gave me a complex and feelings of great horror.

How do other co-workers see me? How do I come across? But I’m also realizing that I shouldn’t be the one out leading today which even isn’t my job. Why am I out at work today? Why did the guys take the day off? Can’t even walk right like they do.

I just wanted to die and cringe with the heavy of all this weighing on little ol me trying to fake it through the day acting like our work body should of acted. It was hard and difficult leaving me often perplexed and stressed. I remember everything that happened earlier today because I was there. This was like trading places with another person and struggling to do their life. I napped out of pure exhaustion after dinner.

The technical work knowledge was there...at least that showed up, but the male personna didn’t...so, I went through an identity crisis...enough almost to quit the day over....but I tuffed it out to the end...or everyone would of been mad.

Why does this happen? Does this happen to any of you? How do you deal with such an identity crisis? What gets you through it?

I was desperate, crushed, embarrassed of us, sad about our mental state....what do other people think? How are we perceived? Parts were short of suicidal but we refused to go there and quieted them voices.