kinda like you I distract myself ... what has worked best for me is I follow a kpop group ... something about it just mellows me out ... takes the pain away ... at least for a while ... I figure an obsession is better than the depression ... and my pdoc says it's ok with him .... I don't even try to not be depressed ... the more I dwell on it the worst it gets ... it's just who I am now ... I accept that and when it turns nasty I dig into the music ... I would say not the best way for most but it came to me on my darkest days ... it worked ... and I have stayed with it ....

I doubt if this answered any of your questions ... just remember there many having the same feelings as you are ... most of us are struggling in some way ... I wish you peace in your journey thur life .... Tigger ..