Perhaps find a guy who is completely understanding what you went through and what kind of problems you are dealing with. Perhaps your future boyfriend will be appreciative and supportive and wait til you are ACTUALLY ready. You are the only one who decides to put out because it's your heart and body. If you feel not ready then don't do it. It's not your fault if you get upset about it. Don't let any abuse feelings get in the way of what you experienced. Let those feelings go away and think of the better stuff. Perhaps there will be a man who is totally understanding and will never beg or have a one track mind and complain about it. After all this is a big world after all. You could always go to church. Those are good gentlemens in there. Even in the outside world. You just gotta be smart who you meet. Good Luck!