To answer your original question, I'm going to echo what a few other people have already said: You need to talk about what happened and your reaction to it with your T. Not just once, but as long as it takes. It may be that you have to spend part of a few sessions talking about it--sharing how you feel about, asking your T to explain, etc. You might then think you're OK with it, but then something could happen a few weeks or a few months down the line, and you realize that the email change is still affecting you, so you have to talk about it some more.

That's basically how it went (is going?) with my current T, when we had a rupture maybe 6 months ago. Where I'd requested a transitional object (stone) and he gave me one seemingly very willingly. Then a few weeks later, I mentioned holding it to comfort me, and he said that if the stone represented the therapy space to me, he was fine with it, but if it represented him (even as a therapist rather than him personally), then it was a bit "weird" or "creepy." This of course upset me (which seemed to confuse him). I sent him an email explaining my feelings--his reply showed he didn't fully understand my reaction (he actually admitted that). The next session was very intense, with both of us being open about our feelings involving that discussion. (This was the session where my T said the line that several people have quoted on here: "You affect me, LT.") Then we discussed it more the session after that, and maybe a bit more the next session. I debated terminating (and many people on here said I should), but I opted to stick it out. He eventually talked to a therapy consulting group about it (which I appreciated), but I'm not sure that helped him understand me more--just helped him understand his own thoughts, I think...

I thought I'd/we'd moved past it, but I realized a couple times in the months after that I was having trouble trusting him or worrying about telling him certain things. So I'd bring it up again. At one point, he was like, "I thought we'd worked through that, and it made our relationship stronger." And I said it was still lingering in my mind and affecting my work with him, so we needed to discuss more. That helped--I think I've gotten past it now, especially as he's been fine with my having a different stone (gave the other one back after the creepy comment) and also leaving a shell in his office.

I think the big determining factor in whether a rupture can be worked through is whether a T is willing to really listen to your feelings about it as much as needed and be open to sharing their feelings about it and take responsibility, as needed. And it also helps if they validate your feelings, like "I do understand why this upsets you so much, and I'm sorry." (Doesn't have to be those exact words, of course.) It's more if you feel heard and understood, even if the T won't change their stance.

I did have a rupture that I was ultimately unable to work through with ex-marriage counselor, but that was very complicated, and also it was hard to actually be able to work through it with him, because of his role and because part of what he changed was saying we needed to focus more on marriage stuff (it's complicated). But I did get through a couple ruptures with him earlier in the relationship, that I think made the relationship stronger--this last one was just the breaking point (partly because it involved him tightening boundaries after my saying I loved him).