first things first... I didnt have alters that were different gendered. I had alters that were consistant with my cultural background. though they were human they had animalistic characteristics. Eagle was my alter who had very keen eyesight and always on the watch for things that we had to move fast away from, Bear was my aggressive alter so on and so forth.

none of my alters animalistic or not had any problems with being "trapped" in a body that was not their own.

you see I became DID whether I knew the actual diagnosis name or not, before the age of 5. that meant my whole life until everyone naturally merged together again to form one whole personality, my body was theres and their body was mine. as children we just didnt think in terms of alters or physical bodies and dissociation.

when each of my alters were in control they did and said what they wanted to, they walked, they talked, they thought, they sang, they played, they dated, they had their own set of friends, if I dissociated at work, school church, out with friend or just at home with family they did everything that they were there to do.

my alters did not think of their selves as just an alternate personality in my body. they thought of their self as they were rainy, they were hungry they were cold, they were at work... there was no separations in terms of things like they were the alters and I was the human. they were just like any other human being, functioning just like any other human being.

in fact we once had a therapist who tried to tell them they were nothing but alters and that my body did not belong to them and their reply was, ....doesnt this hand move when I move it, and they moved the hand, doesnt this leg move when I move it, doesnt this mouth verbalize when I want it to talk, am I using this brain to talk and form words and actions, I have to use the restroom and can feel that need, if this wasnt my body then I would not be able to walk talk, ear, see, think and go to the bathroom when I want to . yes it may be her body but its mine too, even though I am an eagle. Never again did that therapist try and tell one of my alters that this body was not theirs.

my point is maybe Clara what might help you is not think in terms of gender but rather in what your sense of agency is by that I mean what you do for everyone, what and how you are thinking, walking, talking and doing what ever you do for you and chez and everyone.

I know that sometimes it may be hard that others outside the body cant tell the difference but maybe thats because thats what your system is about. no one but my therapist could ever tell the different between an eagle in me and a bear or me. but my treatment provider explained to me thats because my system follows the abusers code of do not tell.

we had abusers that would hurt us if we even thought about telling others about the abuse they did to us so one way we protected ourself from getting hurt was that everyone in this body could not be noticed by others. everyone inside me even answered to the bodies name besides their own to ensure no one ever find out what the abusers did to us and that they existed.

maybe you can sit down with Chez and everyone and find out why everyone living with you has to be un noticable by others outside the body. your not being a brides maid may actually be to protect you and the others.