Since the clinic took a long time to get an appointment to just refill my medicine, I went to a private psychiatrist today.

The clinic actually gave me a worse dx than I am.
The clinic gave me the dx of schizoaffective bipolar type.

Anyways, the psychiatrist said he doesn't see that. He said although I had a psychotic episode as a teen, it can actually happen to someone with MDD.

My new dx is MDD, OCD, and PTSD.

I'm posting in PTSD forum since the majority of why I have problems are from childhood abuse. I don't want to retell the story because I have done so several times. Basically, I seen my parents die and caretakers abused drugs and abused me (never sexually, but everything else). I'm always worried about seeing them in public (small area). Sometimes I have dreams about being in their care again. I can say my adult life is way better than being a kid. I'm not as depressed as I used to be. Still have anxiety.

I don't understand a lot. I don't understand why at times I feel like the abuse was my fault. Occasionally, I will miss my abusers because I thought they were family.

Anyways, this dx definitely makes a lot more sense.