T got me after washing his coffee mug. I was a bit surprised he was wearing a red shirt (which is only the second time that he's worn something other than blue).
He asked what was up. I told him how I'd been quite alright after last session. Not great but alright. I even thought about what I wanted to talk about today. Then this morning I read an article while eating breakfast and now I'm scared
He was quiet for maybe half a minute. He asked me what I'd read. I told him about one of those studies on how insects are dying in masses. T asked whether it made me sad (probably because I was crying and sobbing after maybe 2 seconds of talking). I was actually just scared though. I said I'm irritated that nobody else seems to have any emotional reaction or even think about it at all. My uncle has four cars, my parents just bought a house which was just missed by a hurricane last week. The only person who seems to kind of feel the same is my partner, though he's not worried the same way. I told T about an event I'm going to in a couple of weeks where they'll present a scientific report of what the climate in my country will look like in the next 10 years. A buddy of mine agreed to accompany me, but already told me that I am not allowed to voice any concerns about the future based on any of the information we hear there. T asked whether I whine as much there as I do here, to which I said I don't whine. He said yeah, sorry, that's true. I said I usually share concerns and provide information. He started to say that maybe those people get scared because I act the way I do? Whether I knew what he's talking about? I answered projection. T said yes and that he thinks that might be the main reason people always leave me. He asked why it irritates me when people don't seem to react as emotionally as I do when I tell them about something? I said when they do react it feels less lonely. Like they understand and are thinking about things too. But they don't seem to be thinking about anything at all, they seem to not care.
T said most people around me probably do think about it and care. But they don't react emotionally like I do. I asked why not, it seems obvious to me to react this way, who would not if they found out they might die 40 years early? T: "If you worry about that, you have to worry about a lot of things, you can't function like that..." - "Yes, you can! I react like that all the time and I function!" - "No, you don't, else you wouldn't be here." Kind of had to agree with that.
He told me about some major news from last week which made him angry and sad. But he said that he just kept that inside, and dealt with it on his own. Most people feel things sometimes about the world, they just don't let everyone know.
We talked about this some more I think. Then, we switched to discussing meds some more, he explained all the possible side effects in more detail, how the mechanism behind them works and what tests he had ordered to be done. In the end he handed me a letter specifying all the things that need testing for my doctor, which made me kind of happy since I could see his handwriting for the first time.
Then we scheduled for next week and said bye.