I started taking taking Wellbutrin back in March kind of due to “worries about getting depressed,” rather than definite depression. I was treated with chemo for breast cancer (at age 33) last winter, ending in Jan this year. I was having fatigue, low energy, and low motivation, which I thought could either be residual side effects from chemo or depression. (I have Hx of mental Hx issues including PTSD with BPD traits and depression triggered by PTSD). I was treated with multiple meds and cocktails (including ADs, mood stabilizers, AAPs) in my 20s. Then I tapered off everything (except trazodone ) from 2014 to mid 2015 because there was never clear evidence that any of these meds worked, and they seemed in a lot of ways to make me worse in a lot of ways: increased anxiety, increased depression, emotional numbness, and mood lability at times. I have still met with my psych APRN since time bc I’m still on trazodone for sleep.

So in March, I asked if I could take Wellbutrin for the “depression” and/or chemo energy side effects. I pretty much refuse to take an SSRI or SNRI because I had so much difficulty tapering off of zoloft, despite during a year-long taper (and earlier failed attempts). And the antidepressant thing was intended to be temporarily. I had no problem getting off Wellbutrin in the past, so I asked for that. When I started in March, it was good for a week, but then it caused me severe anxiety and irritability for next couple weeks. I wanted to stop but I pushed through (in part for the wrong reasons....it make me not want to smoke, which I had picked up stress smoking after Dx with cancer, and it made me less hungry and lose a few pounds. I’m at a healthy weight;, I just sadly liked being thinner. I have Hx of ED).

After a couple more weeks, the anxiety side effects lessened but was still there a bit. Now I’m not sure if it was due to Wellbutrin or due to situational factors. I went back to work in April after medical leave, and a bunch of things were changed and my workload had almost doubled, causing increased stress. I started having panic attacks and crying spells at work on occasion. (I have felt anxious at work privately when stressed, but I’ve never had a panic attack at work or any other time in my life until Wellbutrin.) I also had marriage stressors and insurance stressors that are mostly resolved. I started therapy to cope with the whole cancer thing and the work stress. I started trauma work a couple months ago bc the cancer brought up old PTSD issues and brought on new ones. Now I’ve been doing EMDR for past month. I did end up changing jobs in the summer, so less stress, there but of course there’s still regular stress.

Anyhoo, I keep wondering if the Wellbutrin is making things worse. It could be the EMDR therapy, but I refuse to stop bc it’s aslo helping even though it’s challenging.... certain traumas are consciously bothering me less so it’s working. However, I have continued to have panic attacks still (now they happen when I go to doctor appts or medical facilities associated with the cancer), tearfulness, apathy, low motivation, moodiness, physiological anxiety, etc, which I think the Wellbutrin contributes to. I think the “low motivation” and apathy actually come from feeling too anxious to do things, such as run errands by myself, rather than depression.

I talked to my psych aprn about going off, and she didn’t have a strong opinion for or against going on. She gaveme taper guidelienes in case. Should I try going off to see if I’m less anxious? Does it sounds like Wellbutrin could be contributing? If I do go off, I am not considering trying another medication at the moment, unless of course I have a psych emergency. TIA!