I am so sorry that stability has been so elusive. And that you have suffered so much, along with your kids and husband.

I am concerned about your recovery because of a thought you expressed in sharing how you are going through all of this:

I just dont think it's fair to act like I should be doing better at all of this because I feel like it's all the stupid disorders fault.

Unfortunately, and as terribly hard as it probably is for anyone, I think it's important to take some ownership of your behavior (NOT that it is your fault, per se, it is part of your illnesses). I, personally, think it's a first step towards healing and improvement in symptoms. It's not that you 'should' be doing better, it's that you can do better and frankly I think this can breed optimism. You can (not should) do better, you can move forward, you can conquer these things.

I hope this doesn't sound judgmental, I just hope that this thought process doesn't impede your healing. You're worth it, you're worth whatever it takes to heal. You suffer from terrible illnesses, but their presence in your life is neither their, nor your fault. I think if you remove the 'faults' and 'should's' from the equation, you will move that much closer to healing.