I feel disgusting. I can't stand this. I'm so mad. Why does it exist. Food. can't do this balancing act , it's like some kind of mean trick or something God is playing. Let's create something that is so good, required to have to live, then watch people destroy themselves over it bouncing back and forth between eating too much then restricting because I can't control myself and it gives me back control not eating. When I eat I overdo it and feel like a big piece of lard and hate and want to separate from my body