Hi everyone.

I’ve been having CBT for the last 8 months or so due to my social anxiety problems after waiting for a year and a half on the waiting list!

I got on really well with my T and I thought the world of her, which I think is fairly common! For me having someone to listen to my worries and provide support felt quite special as I generally struggle with relationships, even if it was her job!

My therapy was fairly successful. I do feel better, but I still feel I have a mountain of work to do to get to any sort of recovery stage... I still feel very anxious and not very confident in myself at all One problem I’ve always had with social anxiety is trying to please people, as well as desperately trying to hide how I really feel and my emotions. This extended to my T throughout my sessions. Of course she was aware of this problem, but I think I’ve got pretty good at faking it. I didn’t want her to think I was still struggling, even if I was on the way to feeling a lot better.

I’m in the UK, so my therapy was on the NHS. I remember in the past there has been a limit on the amount of sessions you can have. My sessions started becoming more spaced out, and in my last few appointments, I sensed that I was being slightly pressured into ending therapy soon. Because of this I did feel a little afraid to bring up any new issues as I was conscious that I was going to become a burden and be asking too much from the therapy (again another SA related fear of mine)

Anyway, on Thursday I went to my session as usual and about 5 minutes in it was sprung on me that my T thought I was ready to go it alone now. I kind of expected it, but I had asked to go over some kind of plan of things to do to keep on top of my social anxiety when I was out of therapy before I left. Even though I knew it was coming, the kind of abruptness of it came as a shock. I sort of just accepted it without putting up any sort of fight, but the rest of the session I felt all zoned out and weird about it ending so suddenly.

When I left I kind of rushed out saying thanks and goodbye, because I was upset and didn’t want my T to know, but the whole way home I just felt really sad. I think I’m just struggling having that supportive relationship taken away so suddenly, and there’s nothing I can do about it really. It makes me feel a bit of an empty type feeling. I did mention to my T that I felt sad about it being over. It’s just so weird that we probably wouldn’t ever see each other again, yet she knows so much about me. I will miss going to see her.

I don’t know if I’m feeling sad, angry, a bit of both? I’m not sure. My T did say she was conscious my condition may not allow me to be honest with her about my feelings about the sessions ending, but I just for some reason wasn’t able to say. So i do feel like it’s my fault a bit, but I was so worried about how many sessions I had left etc that I didn’t wanna make a fuss

I don’t know what I’m wanting by posting this. I think I just needed to get it off of my chest and also if anyone has any support, particularly if anyone has been through something similar before, that would be most welcome too!