We had a significant memory surface last session and I want to get other's take on dissociation related stuff and how therapy impacts your sense of self in that regard. I could really use someone who can relate to talk to.

The sibling who tortured me . I think I was only 3 or 4, it manifested as a body memory at first. I'm realizing now a whole part has the memories of not just a one time event that's in the trigger box, but I think over a more considerable period of time. It came out at our session the week prior to our last session and said "we have to be really smart to find a way to escape" and something about being smart and tricking him. It explained so many things.

Since then, I almost got flooded with content but am fine now; in fact now better than before. But now I'm having some identify issues and am wondering how others experience it. I never could remember much of my childhood, but I have a sense now that more of my parts held/hold memories than I realize rather than having some kind of 'amnesia'. I also realize that when it gets integrated, what usually felt like depersonalization was actually experiencing another part of myself that I wasn't aware of before. Another sibling once told me that this sibling locked me in his room frequently for a period over months, maybe a year, and no one knew what we were doing in there.

Since that part is integrating, I feel more present rather than being in the future (or past when it comes to therapy). At first I thought it was depersonalization but now it's really just more of me that is present. This is making me think that part held a considerable part of my life rather. Or this trauma was over a long period of time (I have multiple traumas, but this one is the worst and has different aspects than the others.)