I very much agree with both Ididitmyway and Anne - great posts.

Sarah, I don't remember ever reading in your posts but have you ever tried medications for your depression? They don't always work, and may not work at all for everyone, and it may take a while to find the right meds, but chronic, severe depression is very much a medical condition like any other. Changing how the brain functions chemically is sometimes just the kick we need in order to be able to even start thinking/acting differently. Snap out of the pit. Chemical imbalances are hard to wish or talk away even with the most wonderful therapy - it is almost the equivalent of wishing something like a heart condition away. But it often improves greatly with the right treatment and lifestyle changes. In my experience, good self care helps way more than any amount of therapy or other talking about feelings. It takes forcing of course when there is no or very little baseline motivation to start with and the mind automatically focuses on threats and negative interpretations. Other things, I think, can be helpful is making connections with people who think positively and are inspiring, not just commiserating. But all these were expressed beautifully in the posts above.

There can be a very big difference between processing painful feelings in balanced ways and focusing on suffering on and on and on. I also think that you have no evidence at all that the T did not care. Why would she have offered the phone sessions if she hadn't cared, for example? She made a professional mistake that could not be resolved well, given the complex circumstances. It's not the same. Yes, she could have taken responsibility much more directly but, I think, the way she acted is very very common when people make mistakes. Yes, she is a T, so she should in principle know better. But, in general, I really don't think they usually know much better. You could have the choice to know better, for yourself, not to remain stuck forever. There are so many methods of self help that truly help, but it always takes effort to make the baby steps first.