I don't read my old posts on here, but I write down everything I remember about each session for myself on 3-4 pages usually. When I'm feeling down, I sometimes read random stuff from there. It makes me feel less alone and helps me remember things I thought were nice.

I'm sorry about what has happened. Don't beat yourself up about things you said, I'm sure your T appreciated to work with you and wouldn't have wanted you to feel bad about the way you acted.