I relate. Eventually I just realized that my parents were adding nothing and only making my life a thousand times harder. I have moved away and minimized contact and it has been extremely good for me so that I have been able to heal to at least a point where I no longer feel like I am suffering every single day and I feel hopeful about the future.

Like you said, it’s the biggest trauma one can face. Being raised in an environment with hostile parenting is like being beaten when you’re down and at your absolute most vulnerable. It takes a long time and so much hard work to recover from that after it has been so deeply ingrained in your own body physically and emotionally. It is truly an uphill battle so it’s no wonder you would come out of that with some side effects. Please be gentle with yourself, you absolutely are not worthless. You just internalized the messages of a toxic environment that did not recognize your worth.

What has kept me going so many times was just the frustration I felt in knowing that it shouldn’t have been this way and that I wanted to find a better way to live than the hand I was dealt.

Finding a good therapist is hard, so I really hope that that works out for you!!