This is a sub optimal evening. It’s my fault for being so ****ed up as I always have been..

Do I press send. Do I dare pollute this space with this rant.. with me.



I’m not sure why I’m posting. Other than I’ve typed this out and don’t want to waste my time and delete all my words....

I’m pretty sure from his attitude that T1 wouldn’t have cared which of his patients eventually killed themselves .. or got worse. And I doubt if this has changed. Except on how it might possibly reflect on his perceived competence. And that would certainly include me. I have to say, in my opinion, that therapy is a sham . And I’m also sure that the other “support” workers I consulted, with their minimal “support” (irl) wouldn’t care who eventually killed themselves, except for the same reason. It’s a SHAM.. if I’d kept on going to different “providers” in the public system.. I doubt if I’d be here now. So I avoid them for my health and safety. . I read another post where someone said therapy is a sham. This person received love from the forum (Not judgment or disbelief) I’ve long thought this tbh.. because of that person’s lack of care. And other providers’ cruelty. (Irl) So I hope I find support here and NOT judgment.
(And so called “crisis” lines tell people to go for a walk at 3.00 am)

How does abuse and cruelty from a “professional” irl depend on the context. Abuse is abuse.

ETA I’m going off line now to phone one of my few “safe” ......and it’s not anything related to the **** (public unhealth system) and it’s not a friend. I’m not a “burden”....

(I don’t think this post is coded, whatever that means. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been programmed so well by so called carers since early childhood not to trust anyone or anything...)
Except I always was a “burden” to that family of origin. And in years of therapy
I have not found anyone who gives a ****

I’m not sure why I’m so TFU that none of them care, in the slightest.
I feel like deleting this. How dare I speak or post when I’m feeling so bad, I should deal with it in silence
Bad paws “waste of time”