Thanks for sharing your struggle. Many of us are here on PC because we have no one we can talk to about what we have experienced. My story is entirely different from yours. But, in my own way, I can relate to the shame you have experienced as well as to the experience of not having anyone with whom you can share. I am glad to read you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully that person is someone you feel you can talk to openly. My best wishes to you...