I can’t do this. I’m done. Miguel has to much crap he has to do just to finish his degree. He has to volunteer, do an internship and finish all his courses. He doesn’t want college right away which means he’ll lose a 20+k state scholarship. I know I shouldn’t be looking at that. I need to focus on his mental health which isn’t the best right now and be glad he’s alive. Yes I’m being very morbid right now. At least his picking marks are healing but he’s creating new ones. I’ve taken to using band-aid tape instead of band-aids. It’s just cheaper and easier and doesn’t leave residue of the band-aid.

I’ve realized a while ago I’m taking 10mg zyprexa. I’m supposed to be on 5 mg. I’m doing better on the 200 mg lamictal but I don’t want to go down on the zyprexa and have psychosis or worse impulsiveness. I’m just done. We have a huge hole in our linoleum and we have HUD inspection the 7th. My inlaws come the 30th and my parents will be down here in a week. Lucky my parents stay with my sister. I want to sleep all day but anxiety keeps me awake. My life is just kicking my ***. On better news we’ll be getting our car fixed soon.

My husband isn’t doing the best. He’s quitting school yet again. He’s not doing co-ops next semester. That means Miguel isn’t doing co-ops and doing only online classes. So I have to worry about isolation there. Hopefully he’ll ask for his friends to come over. I may make Miguel take a part-time job just to get out but we’ll see. I don’t even know if my husband is taking his meds. We’re all just drowning but trying to save each other. I miss our psych team.